Eulogy

Life and Cancer Eulogy

Some of you may know that I have been working on writing a book for a few years now. It’s been a huge challenge to get this book buttoned up and finished, as life has sent my eyes looking in many other directions over the years. My hope is that this blog will help me get my book in order, and finally published. In thinking of my book, and intentions about it, I gave some deep thought to the gratitude I feel that I still have the time and opportunity to finish it, and publish some of its pages to this blog. Life is so busy, and there are infinite reasons to not pay attention to the many gifts life presents to us. One in particular is gratitude. I know there a million memes, and sayings floating throughout every spectrum of available media regarding gratitude. I hope that this post will give you cause to stop, even for just a minute and give it some serious thought. Gratitude is one of life’s most precious gifts, and through it, we discover true hope and faith. Does that mean that life will be idyllic if we practice living in gratitude? Unfortunately, it will not, and that is not the answer. What does it really give us? It allows us to discover the truly magical sense of life that is usually hidden behind busy lives and thoughts. Even in the most dire of circumstances (and yes, I now own the “C” card and feel that I have the right to speak of dire circumstances), gratitude for the things in life that still remain constant and safe gives us hope. Even if our gratitude can only be limited to this one moment, this very second, that we can still take a breath……then we still have the precious possibility of at least another, and at most, finding joy around us. Even in the grief and sadness I have found in the thought of leaving my loved ones, I can still find gratitude in that I do love, and am loved, and will be loved. That alone can turn my eyes back toward the here and now, and reminds me how precious and lovely my life is. Here is my poem Eulogy. Don’t be fooled by its name. I hope you find the gratitude in these written words that I intended to uncover.

In my childhood dreams I lose myself,
Memories and wishes once put on a shelf.
Who was I then, so long ago?
A child, a daughter, sister, friend and foe.
Dreams of life filled with yearning for love,
So many lifted away as if on winged dove.
Some came to be through life’s unfold,
Some would never become, or ever be told.
Eyes that glistened with untold promise,
Wishes and dreams never to abolish.
Would I learn the meaning of being a true friend?
Always to stay near, even to a bitter end?
Hopes of being a mother, of one, two or three,
Filled with laughter and cheer, on my bent knee.
A wish of making my father proud,
Hope of carrying his burdened shroud.
If these wishes are hopes and dreams to come true,
Will I remember them, or begin to think them new?
These dreams draw me back, and bring me around to see,
A child filled with hope, that child is still me.

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