Life and Cancer

I wrote Forever a while back, thinking of the many loves that I have lost throughout my life. I wrote this poem thinking of the perspective of the one who has passed. Interestingly, while looking over this poem today, my own perspective came into focus. I wonder, is this how I am seen from the other side? About eight months ago I had a very powerful dream, or premonition. Everything was in it’s place and seemed to be played out in real time, and that was when I first realized I had cancer again, and this is what would bring my time to its end. I saw myself in the mirror in my room, and as I walked by, I gazed at myself and realized I was dying. My body was thin and frail, and the first thought that came to me was a very matter of fact thought “Oh, I have cancer and I’m dying”. I was not alarmed by what I saw in the mirror, nor the thought that came with it. It felt very much like a calm notification of what was to be. My mom and dad came to me in this dream, even though they passed many, many years ago. They stood in the corner of my room as I lay back down to rest in my bed, and I was the only one that could see them. They came to help me find my way away from this world. Their presence was reassuring, and calm. My diagnosis didn’t come until six months later, after this dream. Even with my doctors’ reassurance that I was fine during those six months, I knew what I knew, and I was right. I hope that you find some solace in this poem. It meant a lot to me to write it, and I believe it………

I came by your bed last night as I saw you weep,
I whispered I love you, as I wiped a tear from your cheek,
I laid my face against your hand, a caress I tried to steal,
My heart in your hand is what I wanted you to feel.
Do you see me in your dreams my darling, my love, my friend?
I have never left, and I am here with you until the very end.
I walk with you each morning, my memories never leave,
I remember you loving and holding me, but now time makes us grieve.
I follow you throughout each day, I see your wilted hands,
Your tired face and broken heart is more than I can stand.
You sat alone by my grave, stooped and very stark,
Please know I am not alone, or without you in the dark,
As we walked together home this night,
I saw you scurry to find the light.
Do you hear me my love? Do you feel me gently touch your knee?
I cry and whimper, and hope you hear my plea.
I will never leave you.  I can never go away,
I will walk beside you every single day.
I hold you in my heart, as I lay with you every still night,
And I watch for your smile, to make this seem all right.
As day folds into night, I long so for your touch,
I long for life, for breath, I miss you so much.
Goodnight my dear, life is large, and there is much for you to see,
So I will follow along until your journey brings you back to me.

10 thoughts on “Forever”

  1. Beautiful ~ I can see everyone’s face. I pray for you and call on God to heal protect and guide all involved. Whatever is best and happiest for all. Love you 🥰

    1. I love you Sandra, thank you for being so good to me…..for so many years. Our friendship has been a gift and blessing to me always!

  2. This is amazing Gabi. You have a beautiful gift. I keep you in my prayers dear childhood friend. Be assured that God is most definitely using your journey to touch the lives of others. I am one of these. We are only just passing through.
    Much love,

    1. Thank you Andrea! If anything comes of this awful situation and that ultimately helps you, or other people I love, or even people I don’t know….then I can accept God’s reasons with more reassurance that this all has a purpose. I have to admit, some days are terrifying, and some are filled with resignation and knowing that no matter what happens, it’s all in the Lord’s hands, and that makes it all o.k. Big hugs my friend!

  3. Simply beautiful…. I love the perspective that it’s from loved ones on the other side. It inspired me to contemplate what it must be like to feel the way our passed-over loved ones do. ❤️

  4. Gabi I was so impressed by your blog. I had breast cancer and did all the chemo and radiation it just about killed me. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks and just about died. I will pray that things will turn out for you and you will recover. You will always be in my heart. Hang in there. Love Kay


    1. Thank you Kay! I think about you often, and always wish and hope that all is well with you and Bill. I understand about the chemo, I just got out of a one week stint in the hospital after chemo almost did me in. My breast cancer has spread to my bones, so it’s terminal. I don’t really know how long I have, but I would love to keep in close touch with you, because I love both you and Bill, and you will always be my family. It’s been hard on the girls…….but I keep my hope up that I will have enough time and enjoy a bit of it to make a difference in the lives of everyone I love. Big hugs!!

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