Some days are better than others. That is the ultimate truth behind every life, and every day. Even under the most dire of circumstances, some days are simply better than others, and certain days are simply perfect. What do I call a perfect day? Strolling down an old “downtown”, with every business dressed for Halloween as if this day is the most special day of the year. Store fronts decorated with cobwebs and ghouls, Raggedy Ann dolls, and ghosts doling out confections for the little ones, and tables out front filled with bowls of brightly colored candy. Everyone wearing huge smiles, and beautiful grins from ear to ear sharing a moment of agreed delight. Police officers walking the streets that are cornered off from traffic, waiving in sheer joy as they watch the little ones take their buckets from store to store asking for their treat. The weather is unusually sunny and warm for a fall afternoon, as the climate seems to agree with every person’s delight in the spectacle of the day. Neighbors hugging, children finding their school friends, and people walking about with no guard up before them, acknowledging one another with a happiness that is rarely witnessed. The maple trees lining these streets are dressed in their most brilliant colors of red, orange and yellow, as they proudly sit at their post and watch over the festivities, as they count the decades of life they have witnessed. I watched my beautiful grandchildren as they playfully walked along the storefronts, and I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. The air was crisp and clean and a thought snapped in my mind that reminded me of how good it is to be alive. That my friends, is a beautiful day. It’s good to find the beauty in unexpected moments, for that is truly living.
I wrote Forever a while back, thinking of the many loves that I have lost throughout my life. I wrote this poem thinking of the perspective of the one who has passed. Interestingly, while looking over this poem today, my own perspective came into focus. I wonder, is this how I am seen from the other side? About eight months ago I had a very powerful dream, or premonition. Everything was in it’s place and seemed to be played out in real time, and that was when I first realized I had cancer again, and this is what would bring my time to its end. I saw myself in the mirror in my room, and as I walked by, I gazed at myself and realized I was dying. My body was thin and frail, and the first thought that came to me was a very matter of fact thought “Oh, I have cancer and I’m dying”. I was not alarmed by what I saw in the mirror, nor the thought that came with it. It felt very much like a calm notification of what was to be. My mom and dad came to me in this dream, even though they passed many, many years ago. They stood in the corner of my room as I lay back down to rest in my bed, and I was the only one that could see them. They came to help me find my way away from this world. Their presence was reassuring, and calm. My diagnosis didn’t come until six months later, after this dream. Even with my doctors’ reassurance that I was fine during those six months, I knew what I knew, and I was right. I hope that you find some solace in this poem. It meant a lot to me to write it, and I believe it………
I came by your bed last night as I saw you weep,
I whispered I love you, as I wiped a tear from your cheek,
I laid my face against your hand, a caress I tried to steal,
My heart in your hand is what I wanted you to feel.
Do you see me in your dreams my darling, my love, my friend?
I have never left, and I am here with you until the very end.
I walk with you each morning, my memories never leave,
I remember you loving and holding me, but now time makes us grieve.
I follow you throughout each day, I see your wilted hands,
Your tired face and broken heart is more than I can stand.
You sat alone by my grave, stooped and very stark,
Please know I am not alone, or without you in the dark,
As we walked together home this night,
I saw you scurry to find the light.
Do you hear me my love? Do you feel me gently touch your knee?
I cry and whimper, and hope you hear my plea.
I will never leave you. I can never go away,
I will walk beside you every single day.
I hold you in my heart, as I lay with you every still night,
And I watch for your smile, to make this seem all right.
As day folds into night, I long so for your touch,
I long for life, for breath, I miss you so much.
Goodnight my dear, life is large, and there is much for you to see,
So I will follow along until your journey brings you back to me.